


A World We Do Not Understand

by still_lycoris



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Anger, Extremely Dubious Consent, M/M, Rough Sex, Sex Pollen, Something Made Them Do It, Unhappy Ending, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 20:56:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17352452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_lycoris/pseuds/still_lycoris
Summary: Ryuk laughed a lot when Matsuda brought the candle back but Light decided not to do anything about it.He really should have done.





	A World We Do Not Understand

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 12dayschristmas

When Matsuda brought the candle in to burn, none of them made much of a fuss. Matsuda was in a state and everybody knew it. Soichiro Yagami had been his hero and everyone felt it was better to let him deal with things in his own way. At least, Light thought so and the others seemed to following his lead. It wasn’t like he didn’t have enough to do, thinking about Mogi being alone with Misa and whatever Aizawa might have told Near. Better to let Matsuda mess around on his own.

Ryuk seemed to think that the candle was funny. He laughed quite a bit in that annoying way which meant that he wasn’t telling you something. Not that Light could say anything – for one thing, he wasn’t supposed to know more about Ryuk than anybody else here, for another, Ryuk probably wouldn’t have told him anyway. He was glad when Matsuda lit the candle and Ryuk shut up.

He didn’t really notice the smell of it, at least, not at first. It permeated the room gradually; a subtle thing, sort of sweet. Light couldn’t put a name to it and it bothered him slightly. It was vaguely pleasant in a confusing way. He didn’t want _pleasant_. It seemed too much trouble to say anything though. Too much trouble to do anything much honestly. He felt drowsy, disconnected. He wanted to put his head down on the table for a while, was finding it hard to remember why he couldn’t. It was ridiculous. He needed to wake up. Needed to focus ...

An odd noise behind him made him turn around. Matsuda and Ide were kissing passionately on the sofa while Aizawa watched them with a sort of dreamy interest. Light stared at them, trying to make sense of it in his weirdly heavy brain. That wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn’t right ...

Matsuda moaned and raked his fingers through Ide’s hair. Ide moaned too and his hips jerked slightly. He tugged open Matsuda’s shirt and started to suck at his neck and Matsuda arched. Aizawa made a noise of his own, a confused noise of longing. Light stood up, not entirely sure what he as intending to do, only knowing that there was something, something important, something necessary ...

The candle. It was the candle, the smell of it getting in his nose, in his mouth, his head. He needed to blow it out, needed to get rid of it. He took a step and stumbled, his legs feeling almost leaden and Aizawa stood up and grabbed him, stopping him hitting the floor.

“Light,” he said and his voice was thick. “Light ... ”

His arms were hot. Light found himself leaning back into them without meaning to, not sure what to do. Aizawa moaned and put his head down into the crook of Light’s neck, apparently breathing him in and Light found himself shivering. He couldn’t stop looking at Ide and Matsuda, watching them settle down on the sofa, tangled up with each other, tugging at each other’s clothes, Matsuda making desperate noises, Ide gasping and panting, both seemingly already beyond words.

Aizawa tightened his grip. His beard scraped against Light’s skin and Light shuddered. Oh God, that felt nice. It shouldn’t. Why was it feeling nice? He had to stop this, he had to think, make this ... he had to ..

“You need to get off me,” he muttered. “Aizawa, you need to – ”

Aizawa kissed him, hard. His mouth was burning hot and Light was kissing him back and he didn’t mean to, he didn’t _want_ to but oh God, oh God, he needed it, he needed this, he didn’t know why he did but he did and Aizawa clearly did too, he was fumbling at Light’s clothes, pushing him down onto the floor, fingers on skin and fuck, it felt good.

“I’m sorry,” he panted against Light’s mouth. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I have to, oh God, I _have_ to ... ”

Light didn’t answer. Couldn’t answer. Words felt stuck in his mouth, all he could think of was Aizawa, Aizawa straddling him and pulling at his clothes and he was doing the same thing back, making it easier and he could hear the sound of Matsuda and Ide together, Ide crying out as Matsuda pinned him, fucked him and the same thing was going to happen to Light and he wanted it, he _wanted_ it, didn’t care that it’d hurt, he knew it would, knew he should care but he couldn’t care, couldn’t think of anything except how Aizawa felt as he started to thrust between his legs, how Aizawa’s furious kisses felt on his mouth, hands in his hair, tangled, pulling and yes, yes, yes ...

A little clarity came back to his mind after he’d come. The candle. This was happening because of the candle. He needed to blow it out, get rid of it because this, this wasn’t him, this wasn’t any of them, even if it felt good, incredibly good. Aizawa was still petting him, nuzzling him, his eyes glassy, as though he couldn’t get enough. Maybe he couldn’t. Maybe Light couldn’t. God, he was getting hard again, he needed to stop this ...

“Swap?” Ide said from the couch above him and he sounded _hungry_. Aizawa gave a soft groan in response and then Light felt himself being pushed back. He tried to get his limbs to move but he felt oddly languid and when Ide caught hold him, pulled him close, he didn’t resist it. He watched unfocusedly as Matsuda crumpled into Aizawa’s arms, kissing him greedily and Aizawa kissed him back, almost viciously, even angrier than he had been with Light. Matsuda clearly didn’t mind it. He wrapped his arms around Aizawa’s neck, offering himself up and Light felt a surge of heat go through him and he leaned back in Ide’s embrace.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Ide whispered, sounding raw. “Wanted this, I’ve wanted this, I’ve watched you ... ”

Light couldn’t help moaning as he felt the hands all over him. Aizawa had just wanted to get on with it but Ide, Ide wanted to touch all of him, _enjoy_ him and Light couldn’t help liking it, wanted to be enjoyed. He lay back quite willingly, letting the languid haze of everything overwhelm him. It was like being worshipped and he did like being worshipped, he did like that and Ide’s tongue and hands were warm and he was touching and tasting ...

“I want you,” Ide whispered and Light nodded dreamily, turning to look at Aizawa and Matsuda, watching them fuck as Ide pressed against him, pushing his legs apart. Aizawa had Matsuda on his hands and knees, a hand in Matsuda’s hair and Matsuda was gasping in a mix of pain and pleasure. Light could see the candle flickering away to itself out of the corner of his eye. He had to do something about that, he needed to ... he would too, in a bit, when he wasn’t so ... this felt so good and he couldn’t stop feeling good and he didn’t want to stop it, not when Ide was doing this to him ...

He heard Matsuda cry out blissfully and Aizawa made a noise of his own, a rough snarling sound, almost bestial. He realised that he’d come too, but he didn’t quite remember it. Ide was still inside him but he came a moment later, gasping Light’s name, pressing close to him, kissing him deeply. His eyes were wide and the sweat was standing out on his forehead and Light considered brushing it off but moving his hands seemed too much trouble so he just stared up at him. He still felt dreamily aroused, couldn’t really focus on anything except whatever was touching him, the feel of the couch on his back, the feel of Ide against his skin.

Ide got off him and he whimpered in disappointment, couldn’t help himself. Ide made a sound too but he was on Aizawa’s lap now and Aizawa was kissing him. Matsuda looked at them, then looked at Light.

“Can, can I?”

Light nodded and Matsuda pulled himself up onto the couch and wrapped Light in his arms. It looked like it was an effort and Light supposed Matsuda was as sleepy as he was. They pressed comfortably together, cuddling and kissing quite lazily. Matsuda stroked his hair and pushed against him.

“I love you,” he mumbled against Light’s mouth. “You, you’re so special, always so special, loved you for ages, I want to be with you, I want ... ”

Light hummed in answer. Matsuda was much more gentle than the other two had been. Maybe because he was tired, maybe because he was just more gentle by nature. Light didn’t really care. He just wanted to burrow against Matsuda’s shoulder and let himself be touched, listening to the sounds of Aizawa and Ide kissing each other, watching them touching, hands all over, Aizawa more gentle this time, more familiar, as though he’d touched Ide before, knew who he was and wanted him.

“I’ve missed this,” he said into Ide’s shoulder. “I’ve missed _you._ ”

Ide made a noise almost like a sob in response, clung tighter. Light gave a little sigh. What was it like to feel that way? To have this mean something other than sex?

The thought was confusing. He didn’t want it, not right now. He wanted to stay touch-drunk, wanted Matsuda’s hands to comfort him and soothe him. He nuzzled pleadingly and Matsuda seemed to understand, kissing him and petting him eagerly, stroking his back, his chest, his arms until Light couldn’t think of anything any more.

He must have fallen asleep. He didn’t really remember. He just found himself waking up; dry-mouthed, sticky and chilled and aware that Ryuk was chuckling again. Matsuda was unconscious on his shoulder and when Light lifted his head he saw that Aizawa and Ide were asleep on the floor, wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Feeling better?” Ryuk asked and Light sat up, _revolted_. He’d ... they’d ... it was _disgusting_. He’d let them lay their hands on him, he’d let them _fuck_ him, he’d _liked_ it ...

“You knew,” he hissed at Ryuk. “You _knew_ that candle would do that!”

“Uh huh,” Ryuk said, sounding quite cheerful. “There’s all sorts of strange things in this world, you know. I’m not the only one that likes a bit of fun from time to time.”

Light didn’t say anything. He wanted to have a scalding hot shower, wash it all away. He had let this happen. How had he let this happen? He should have been able to fight it, he was stronger than these idiots, he was better than them! How could he have let that _happen?_ He couldn’t even get any pleasure in the fact that the others would feel just as shamed as him – although at least they had given more away about themselves, that was something. At least he hadn’t confessed love or some sort of long-time tryst. At least _he_ had kept part of himself inside.

“Get up!” he snarled. “Get up _now!_ ”

They all jerked away, staring at him with confused expressions that slid into horror as what had happened came back. Matsuda curled up on himself, looking as though he was going to cry. Ide’s face turned blank, as though keeping everything locked inside would make it not have happened at all. Aizawa turned an ashy colour. He looked like he might be sick.

Light didn’t care.

“We’re going to go to our separate rooms,” he said, pleased that his voice sounded quite calm now. “We’re going to shower and change and we’re not going to talk about this again, understand? There’s no need to discuss any of it, ever again.”

They all nodded their heads. Aizawa and Ide were avoiding his gaze but Matsuda stared at him, as though desperate for Light to do something, to make it all go away perhaps. Light turned away. There was no shame in leaving the room first, not now he’d taken control and he had to wash this off him, he had to. He had to cleanse himself, get the stain away. Then he could come back and be himself and this could all be hidden away until he killed them all – because he _would_ , oh yes, they would all die and he would never, ever have to think about this ever.

Ryuk was laughing again.


End file.
